Once upon a time, I took a course called the Pursuit of Excellence. I think it might have been 1992. It was so long ago that Starbucks was a new and sparkly trend. It was only 60 kilometres from our home in Mission but it felt further in so many ways. Vancouver felt rife with all the possibilities of the city, possibilities that I couldn’t find in my suburban home.
I sat in this new Starbucks-place and did my homework for the course. I don’t remember what the assignment was, but I recall writing and writing, getting pulled further and further off topic as my journal filled with the scribbling desires of my thirty-two year old self.
My latte cooled as I filled page after page. I asked the barista (did I only learn the word that day?) if they would kindly ‘mike’ my coffee (we said things like that then. Microwaves were still a cool trend, right up there with the Scarsdale Diet). The young woman looked at me with a quiet horror at my clear unhappeningness, and told me in a confidential tone that she would make me something fresh and that they did NOT microwave their coffee-based drinks…ever.
I was too thrilled with the wonder of the amazing cinnamon-dusted coffee concoction and the beauty of the fall-themed pumpkin scone to care what she thought. Not to mention I had the added Mennonite thrill of something free!
What I do remember most about that day, was writing with such an incredible longing. I dreamed about a different life.
I wanted to sit in coffee shops and write. I wanted to travel. I wanted to read and go to lectures and films. I wanted to go to great restaurants with Kevin, to cook up fabulous meals in a great kitchen with all the amazing ingredients that the city offered. I wanted to see more live theatre, I wanted to live in the heart of the city and walk instead of driving. I wanted to meet other writers for drinks in cool lounges. In short, I dreamed about my ideal life, a life filled with friends instead of men and business deals.
Flash forward to not so long ago.
It was, in fact, last Wednesday, I was working on a short travel article about a recent visit to Wales. The deadline was for that Friday. I scribbled ideas in my journal as I sat in a coffee shop on Main Street. I had just walked there, after visiting the Mt. Pleasant library. I had a bagful of books by my side. I made a note in my day timer for the lectures I would be attending the next evening with some girlfriends and smiled as I recalled the night before. It had been a fun gathering of writers and PR people at the uber-groovy Emerald Lounge. I added another note to make reservations for dinner with Kevin on Saturday night…
When it hit me.
I had written my life into existence. I had dreamed it into being.
I believe in the power of the pen. I believe in the power of the written word. Every time I start to type or write or speak about my dreams and desires, I reimagine myself.
It is never too late to dream. It is never too late to try a new version of yourself. Any time you hear yourself start a sentence with, “I’m not the kind of person who does (fill in the activity here).” Or, “This isn’t a very (fill in your name here) outfit.”
Says who? Who says you’re not that kind of person? Who said you couldn’t/shouldn’t try something that you’ve never tried before?
Yes, I know. It is important to know ourselves and maybe you have firmly established some parameters and conditions of what that constructed-self is all about.
But sometimes, just sometimes, it might be fun to shake it up.
What would that shaken (not stirred, but perhaps mildly-shaken) version of your life look like?
What would you dare to dream?
Colleen, I’m all for shaking it up a bit. And it doesn’t mean you have to set the blender to puree…the simplest jolt or jostle in your life can be good for you. Like buying a top that your friends said “Nah, it’s not really you.” (Says you! )
In the spirit of “shaking it up,” I wore that top — the one that wasn’t “me” — to a wine tasting yesterday. And yep, I did get glances. Funny looks. It made me smile. I felt empowered, somehow. As though I was in on a secret that no one else in the room knew — there’s a new me in town. Look out.
Sounds like you set your blender to frappe 🙂 Good on you Gwen!
Rock that be-whoever-you-feel-like-being-tonight top. Sounds great to me.
No more labels. No more boxes!
I’ve just written a novel about a woman that unconsciously writes her way to a different life, only realizing it as her book fails…I love this concept. Each year I take myself out for my birthday (coffee shop/patisserie, where I eat WHATEVER I want and check in with my life progress).
Thanks for the post – rather appropriate as it’s Thanksgiving here!
Miz Stonich, I like the idea of checking in on your life’s progress, especially while eating whatever you want. Pie for breakfast is a good thing right? Looking forward to reading your next novel…sounds like a very cool book.
Happy Thanksgiving!
Inspiring post, Colleen. Really crystallizes for me how it’s not enough to dream or simply passively be ‘open to opportunities’ that may drift by, it’s the small but purposeful daily actions we take to build up the collage of a life we want. Because life isn’t somewhere off in the future. It’s happening today, even if we consider our picture not yet perfected or complete. You demonstrate that so well here by mentioning the purposeful steps you’ve taken, from that long-ago course to the big sack of books you’ve chosen to read this week.
Leslie, I love “..it’s the small but purposeful daily actions we take to build up the collage of a life we want.”
That’s an awesome visual for me; layering on each day, each action, each moment, until we build up a beautiful and detailed picture.
Each day is an opportunity to layer on another piece, to work and live with intention & with our eyes set on what we want the picture of our life to look like.
Thank you too for a reminder to not just be passively waiting. I get so easily swayed by being ‘open to opportunities’, that are often just distractions from what I really want to do.
To be open at every opportunity that life throws at you, experience it, live it.
I must say that I’ve always guarded myself from this sort of comment: “I am not that sort of person who will attempt to do that”. My dream would be to push myself to the limits of physical endurance – climbing mountains, walking in sweltering desert, living with the wolves in the forests …..
Great attitude Catherine! Life can throw us every possibility there is, and our job, like you said, is to ‘experience it and live it’. I like your dream of pushing yourself and seeing what you can accomplish. There’s no shortage of opportunities to test our endurance 🙂
Thanks for your words of wisdom Colleen. I had a similar realization this summer. 10 years ago, i made significant life changes, then had to figure out what to do next. Working outdoors appealed to me but nothing viable came to mind. This summer as I was riding my motorcycle across the plains, it hit me that I’ve realized that dream in a way I never imagined. Dream on!
Thanks Liz, I love that your dreams manifested in such a surprising (and very cool!) way. What should we dream up next??
From one perpetual “flake” to another…Amen to that Colleen! I don’t think I will ever stop reinventing myself.
Hey Sarah, If flakiness is the goal of a good pie crust…why not us? Let the reinventions continue!