I can hear the Swami already, “If you are experiencing duality in your mind…take a step back and wait in the silence.”
And we all know Pema Chodron would say pretty much the same thing.
Though it seems to me, if I take one more step back, I’m going to fall right off this cliff of waffling indecision…
Let me back up a little bit more…we have lived in our little house in Sechelt on the seashore for over 13 years.
During that time, we’ve had a few changes in our living arrangements; including my stepson Cory Redl, my nephew Sean Friesen, a Dalmatian named Maggie and three chickens named Courage, Confidence and Karma (not all at the same time). In between, my elderly father came for extended visits.
Throughout most of those years we had a small apartment in Vancouver to get the oh-so-necessary-city-fix.
And now? My dad is in Menno Home (yes, it’s really called that. And yes, it’s as depressing as it sounds) and no longer goes any further than the nearest Tim Hortons.
Maggie is buried in the back yard under some strawberry fields forever. Cory is a stellar citizen of the world and living in Vancouver with the lovely Miz Lea and Sean is a hard-working dude in Kamloops. All that remains are the chickens, and they are being picked up this coming Sunday by their new owners.
We have reversed our world.
Last week, we moved into a bigger city apartment and now Sechelt will be used as a vacation place.
Ultimately, I feel we have to pick one or the other. I’m not sure why I think that. Is that too much of my A or B thinking, rather than A and B? I keep weighing and comparing; city life vs. country life.
Ironically, it’s easier to be fit in the city. Our apartment has all the ‘stuff’ like the pool, steam room and gym. Plus we walk everywhere here, the car being more of a burden than an asset. In Sechelt, the car is necessary, and cycling, a treat in the bike-friendly city of Vancouver, is a dangerous undertaking on the one-highway world of the Sunshine Coast.
I have amazing friends in both places, making either place feel like I’m missing someone…somewhere.
But writing is already a fairly solitary existence and the city seems to counter that. I like being able to step out of this apartment and feel the buzz of humanity.
And yet…Sechelt has that amazing ocean right outside our deck. There is no better place to sleep than our home on Stalashen with the constant rush of salt water over those rocks.
It is a watery silence that can fill a soul.
Funny thing…no decision is required on this at all. So why do I keep acting like I need to do something?
I’m taking one more step back. I’ll watch Pema this weekend and see what else I can learn about hanging in the Unknown.
Sounds super familiar Colleen… I was just cycling the Toronto islands today thinking how beautiful it was to pedal like crazy with the birds and sunshine–with no cars in sight. At the same time I love the wild surf of my apt in Mexico yet there’s no way to ride a bike anywhere!
Hey Michele, maybe that’s why we love all these places? Such contradictions and engaging for their own reasons…
Isn’t it wonderful that we are in a place in the world where we have the choice to decide what type of lifestyle we would like to live!
A friend mentioned to me that when you are making a decision, to ask yourself the question three times of the day; morning, afternoon, and once in the dark contemplating for five minutes, and undoubtedly the answer will come.
Laurie. That’s wonderful advice.
And yes, holy smokes, I realize it’s a very privileged dilemma to have. I was actually nervous about putting such a ‘princess’ dilemma out there, but I also want to write about whatever I’m currently pondering. The feedback has all been so helpful.
Welcome back, Colleen. We’ve missed you at the writing group.
Re. the aforementioned, Pema Chodron. The best opening line is from her book: Start Where You Are – “We already have everything we need.”
Uncommon wisdom for any decision making.
Ah Stephen…I’ve missed your wisdom. Thanks.
If you don’t have to make a decision, don’t. Perhaps an extended stay in the city without any escape to Sechelt will help you to realize whether you need it or not. Of course, my fantasies of coastal living have nothing to do with it….
Hey Sharry…good advice. Now let’s just see if I can do it:)
WOW! What a gorgeous spot for a vacation! If it’s any consolation, I think you made the right decision. The city has all the amenities and activities, so handy to the airport … and the Menno Home … never thought I’d say that but I remember Katie was quite happy there. Say “Hi” to your dad from me.
Thanks Martha. I’m not usually such an ‘either-or” thinker, so I’m trying to just embrace it all…Menno Home included 🙂