“Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor, the enemy of the people. It will keep you insane your whole life.” – Anne Lamott
I love scrolling through all those images on Houzz. But like Martha, or any of those other house magazines, it sets me up to fail. I look at those shiny homes, with their perfect pantries, their organic gardens surrounded by their very own fields of lavender (!), the shiny chrome and steel kitchens and those forever-fluffy towels and…I despair.
Of course, I realize what’s happening. It’s the same damn reason that Seventeen Magazine made adolescence a particular kind of hell. How could I ever measure up to those images of airbrushed perfection?
So yes, I KNOW this. I realize these home images are simply decorator porn. And although I do get lots of ideas and inspiration of how I might arrange our furniture, something else happens too. I get lured into the trap, that sticky syrupy trap of wanting perfection.
I want my world to look like those pictures. I look at the images, and then, look up at my not-so-perfect apartment and feel a bit of a sinking sensation.
It’s funny (not ha-ha funny but that other twisty-stomach-weird funny) how intellectually I can know these truths, but emotionally, it still gets me.
And you know what else? I happen to know it doesn’t matter whether I was living in a chateau in France or in a hut in Bali. It has nothing to do with any ‘reality’. This particular type of dissatisfaction is simply the sad basis of our economy.
The entire premise of ‘good’ economic growth banks on our continued dissatisfaction with whatever we have, and the continual quest for something ‘better’. The advertising people are simply selling us hope…whether it’s in the form of a lipstick or a new car. We somehow believe that are lives will suddenly improve if we just own this one new thing.
I don’t have to watch too many episodes of Mad Men to know that.
Once again, there is only one cure. Gratitude.
I turn off Facebook (everyone’s having such a great life! They’re all celebrating!). Turn off Houzz (every home is perfect!) store the magazines (those women have no pores!).
Instead, I put my feet up on our very comfy sofa, sip a glass of wine, talk to a friend and find that my life is suddenly back on its tracks. I realize I’m grateful to be right here. Right now.
Perfectionism: it has the potential to take you out every time.
Just say NO.
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Colleen, you nailed it. I just say NO to magazines and teevee. With so many interesting blogs such as yours, why bother with all that visual noise that only produces discontent? Thanks for writing this!
Thank you very much Jana. I love that I’m in your alternative-to-magazine grouping!
I wish I had your strength…I still pick up those magazines, ever hopeful that I’ll see some sort of arrangement of furniture that will trigger a way to make my world fit a little better 🙂
So true, Colleen. I’m not so bothered by magazines, which I consider art more than reality, but I feel sad when I see television commercials depicting ‘typical’ parents happilly chasing the kids around a home the size of a Hollywood set. Sets people up not just to feel envy but (even worse) guilt, a sense of failure for not being able to afford or provide that for their loved ones. You’re so right, Colleen, the solution is to savour life’s pleasures as they happen without letting media intrude on the moment.
Lesley, I know what you mean about magazines. It is easier to view them as art, or at least very artfully contrived 🙂 And yes, I believe the solution is to enter into our lives fully, instead of observing them through a media lens.
If I am out hiking or hanging out with my friends on a bicycle ride, life suddenly seems full and fantastic, instead of falling short of some idealized notion of what it should look like.