“The function of prayer is not to influence God,
but rather to change the nature of the one who prays.”
– Soren Kierkegaard
Mom was five-years old when her mother died.
Mom’s older sister Gert postponed her wedding and came back home to help out with caring for the motherless kids (I think there would have been nine of them) including the newborn twin girls.
Year later, when Gert was dying, my mother flew out to Saskatchewan to help.
You may wonder what all this has to do with Health & Wellness.
Let’s start with this photo and I’ll tell you how my wonderful aunt is connected to that still warm bun and hot coffee…
But first…
I started the day with a fabulous home-made smoothie. Then, because the sun was shining, and I wanted to write this post, I decided to go for a walk to give my brain a boost and see what would come up.
I smiled at people on Vancouver’s sea wall. I swung my arms in circles to get the kinks out, I connected with some friends by text & phone. I made plans for an imminent trip with The Stupids. I took photos of the amazing view. I inhaled spring-green air laced with hints of the salty sea.
On the way back, I passed Tartine Bread & Pies. I could smell the doughy-goodness spilling from their open door. I kept on walking.
And then I remembered Aunt Gert.
I think I was around 14 or 15 years old when she was dying. I remember Mom coming back from Saskatchewan and telling me some of what she learned as she sat with a woman who had been more like her mother than a sister. I knew Gert had gone through some very tough times, but eventually, thanks in large measure to her Mennonite frugality, they had become financially comfortable.
But she had given up so much to get there…and on her last days on earth, Gert had whispered one of her regrets to her little sister, “I wish that sometimes I would have spent the 25 cents and bought myself a Coke.”
Gert told of hot prairie summers where she would buy only the necessities, and how sometimes she just wanted a little something for herself but had held on to those coins because of habitual thrift.
I was still walking past Tartine when I remembered Aunt Gert’s story. I turned around, marched in and bought a gooey cinnamon bun along with a cream-laced coffee. I sat outside with the newspaper. I paid attention to every bite, licking my sticky icing fingers after every ripped off chunk. I stuck my legs out into the warm sun. I smiled and tasted every bit of that bun. I ate it all in honour of my aunt.
For me, it hadn’t been thrift that had initially propelled me away from the bakery, but it was the same kind of frugalness that can somehow beset those of us interested in living well. I thought I should go home and eat an apple instead. But what I really wanted was something baked and sweet.
I live a healthy and fit life. I eat well, drink my water, exercise, take my vitamins and wear my hat and sunscreen. I usually prefer a crispy apple to most processed alternatives. But today a doughy creation was calling my name.
Health & wellness is not about a life of what can’t be had. It is not about denial. Instead, it is about life-giving goodness. Health and wellness is about living with joy, with an expanded celebratory heart and the occasional treat; which, by its very definition, is all the more noticeable and appreciated because of its exception to the norm.
Happy indulgences should be exactly that. Not filled with oh-dear-I-shouldn’t angst, but rather gleefully eaten with oh-my-I-am-loving-this-gooey-treat joy.
I adore eating my vegetables. I am roasting a whack of peppers as I write this and am looking forward to making a fabulous huge salad for my lunch. One that I will truly enjoy eating…not just because it’s good for me, but because it tastes delicious AND is benefiting my body/mind with all that great nutrition.
After lunch, I will meditate. I got out of my meditation routine with my recent trip to South Africa and am missing that stillness that helps center me and give me space to observe my thoughts.
But now? Now I will breathe a prayer of thanks to my Aunt and her cautionary tale.
I like to imagine those two sisters hanging out in Heaven. I don’t ever remember seeing my mother with a soft drink, but perhaps she made an exception for eternity.
I bet they’re clinking those frosty tall glasses of Coke right now. I think I can hear the icy crack of the cubes…
Colleen, it’s sad that my last memory of her is being judgemental. You’ve got it right — we just need to lighten up and have fun and live with more joy!
Joy to the world Martha! Try belting out some rock and roll today. It works like a hot damn!
Colleen, it’s good to know she had another side. My last memory of her was at Dad & Katie’s when I was a married adult. She delivered a lecture to those in the dining room — looking straight at me — on the importance of going to church. It was her last visit and I think she had cancer at the time. Perhaps she was just trying to secure her spot in heaven.
Oh Martha. Wow. And Wow. How very sad for her and you.
She sounds like she was a formidable force…
You are so right Colleen. A treat or two sometimes make you feel good (even if it is not what you should be eating!). You certainly appreciate it more than if it was a current occurrence.
Catherine. You’re right about the appreciation for indulgences.
I remember a great Italian film (the name of which escapes me…)Two friends meet for lunch, the anxious skinny guy orders salad with dressing on the side, fusses about calories and whether he should have the bread or not. He is clearly uptight and unhappy.
Meanwhile, his big boisterous friend comes in smoking a cigar, swirls his big glass of red wine and relishes his big plate of pasta…the skinny guy admonishes him for everything he’s doing ‘wrong’ and the big guy says, “Yes, but I’m enjoying every mouthful. I feel like if I eat joyously, I am feeding my spirit and my body. Meanwhile you are eating the same way you live…stingy and unhappy.”
I’m NOT suggesting that we should all start smoking 🙂 But I do believe there seems to be so much earnest righteousness around food and how to properly conduct our lives. More often we just need to lighten up and have fun and live with more joy!
Great post Colleen! That comment from Aunt Gert softened my attitude towards her. A coke, eh, well I never. She always seemed so authoritarian, so stern — this is right and that is WRONG. Surely, a coke would just be wrong. I wondered what she had in common with Uncle Able — always a mischievious twinkle in his eyes.
Martha, it never ceases to amaze me that every one of us has such different memories and interactions with the same people. I have no doubt at all that’s what your experience was. When I think of pictures of her, she would have looked exactly as you described.
Yet, I had a totally different experience…maybe because I was just a little kid?
I remember when she stayed with us once. I think Mom & Dad went on a holiday somewhere. I was about ten years old and I remember that she fried up apples with cinnamon and sugar. I’d never heard of such a thing and loved it. At night, she would tuck my blanket in like a tight cocoon and I always felt so cared for and loved by her. Plus she looked so much like Mom:) But then, unlike you, I never really had many interactions when I was older…
Great post! I totally agree with your assertion that sometimes a Coke or a sticky bun are the truest path to wellbeing.
Hey Amy, I know you aren’t making that up. Didn’t I just see you writing about how making donuts made you very popular!?
Timeless wisdom there, Colleen. Life is a short-term loan . . . makes sense to live it up before the lease is up.
Remy, “Life is a short-term loan…” is perfect. Thanks for that! It’s so true.
Never know when our ‘Best Before’ date will suddenly show up!
I always love your writing! You could be writing about the people one would meet in Hell and it would still be fun…
Hey Jane! Thanks for the lovely compliment and a great idea for another post!
A wonderful, thoughtful article. Well done.
Thanks Sharon. I know that you and I share a deep appreciation for a fabulous meal…both making it and eating it!
I love this post. And yes, cheers to your Aunt and your Mother in heaven enjoying a chilled treat.
Thanks Michele…as I was writing this I was also thinking about drinking those icy Colas in Puerto Escondido. They sure hit the spot in that heat!