Forgive me father, it has been a lifetime since my last confession…
Given that I grew up Mennonite, a religion that eschewed all things other than the plain and the basic, I missed out on the chance to take part in the confessional aspect of the Catholic religion. I think I might have liked to sit in a darkened partitioned box to spill out my meanest thoughts, divulge my most emotionally unintelligent screw-ups, to confess, to reveal, to disclose…wherever I’d fallen – to speak it aloud and then to have the belief that reciting some prescriptive words would absolve me of my shortcomings.
There is definitely an appeal to the idea of applying a rigorous prescription to fix where I have failed.
I also like the idea of clicking my rosary beads, mumbling a mantra or kneeling to face Mecca. Postures, props and pilgrimages – each religion has its outward signs of tribal inclusion with symbols of devotion to indicate adherence to a larger vision.
The Old Order Mennonites wear clothing that harkens back to the ‘old country’, modest and plain for both sexes as if God found that particular moment in fashion to be superior to all others. Orthodox Jews stroll through the heat of Jerusalem wearing woollen long coats meant for the freezing winds of Eastern Europe.
How did these symbols endure except for our feverish hope that our outward trappings would remind us, help us, guide us and inform us of a better way while signalling to others our intent?
Horse-and-buggy driving Amish, the bluish-bruised foreheads of the devout Moslems pressing their foreheads to the floor five times each day, robed Buddhists and ash-laded sadhus – all wearing the symbols of their beliefs.
But what about the rest of us?
Each of us tells the world something about ourselves, whether intentionally or not. Tattoos, shoes, hairstyle, piercings, our cars, our speech, our habits. We then gravitate toward our own, to form our own tribe. Seekers find other seekers, artists find other artists, nerds unite.
And everywhere those who feel sure they have found the only right path, gravitate toward fundamentalism.
These people, the certain ones, are too often the ones who think they have all the answers. They often feel compelled to use ugly persuasion to convince others of the rightness of their particular beliefs. We only have to see burning crosses or the stiff-armed salutes to a swastika to know the brutalism of those kinds of beliefs. These are the people who have long ago lost sight of the essence of the teachings they purport to follow. They have ignored the lesson of love.
Love never preaches hate. Nor does love encourage people to hate themselves. Love doesn’t preach sermons of exclusivity. It never perpetrates ‘us’ against a sinful ‘them’.
There is a divisive ugliness that has once again been unleashed in the world. CNN, in a November 2017 article tells us that, “Hate crimes in the United States have increased to a point not seen in recent history…”
Division and walls and a ‘me-first’ attitude is being trumpeted around the world. It is an ugly call for protectionism and a misguided righteous assault on anyone who looks or sounds outside of the chosen ones, a self-declared tribe.
These are dangerous times and it seems that the simple act of kindness is too small a prescription against this tidal wave of ugliness.
But kindness and love have always been the quiet counterpoint to bullies.
Quantum physics tells us that nothing happens in isolation. That the very act of observing affects the outcome.
In other words, our actions have consequences. In fact, our very existence has an effect on everything around us. Therefore every kindness truly does ripple outward. Every loving gesture begets another and another, tipping the balance back to love.
So yes, we must stand up and resist the ugly ideas that are being promoted. But it is equally important to dig deep into our souls, no matter what we believe, and ask this one simple question: What would love do, right now, right here?
How would love treat the cashier? How would love treat the homeless man asking for help? What would love ask of us in every interaction?
Will we screw up? Of course. Therein lies the ridiculous beauty of being human.
Whether you help yourself to stay on the path by clicking your rosary beads, your misbahah, the latest mantra you learned in yoga class, or by simply taking a deep breath…it matters not.
What truly matters is remembering that we ARE the world.
We matter. Each one of us. Our actions spread. We are a complex interrelated system. It is both a humbling and heady realization to know that everything we do has consequences. None of us, even if we never leave our homes, operates in isolation.
Our thoughts, words and beliefs create this world.
Let us create something beautiful. Spread some kindness. It’s contagious.
As I get older I am concentrating on seeing the beauty of life and refuse to see the ugliness. The beauty of nature gives me the most pleasure, also the innocence of animals and the perfection of babies. I always notice a kind act, an encouraging smile, a successful hard working task. Despite all the world’s negativity, life remains beautiful.
Ah Catherine. Therein lies the wisdom; to concentrate on seeing the beauty. It’s so true. Focusing on kindness, beauty and love is an active decision that we can choose to make. Life IS beautiful. Thank you for adding such good words to the conversation.
In today’s climate, radical love and kindness are one of the best neutralizers – I won’t say ‘weapon’ – against hate. Whenever I feel that conduit of energy between myself and another person, I open it up to being love… some would say I lack caution or are naive, but the feeling for me is like watching your video of swinging through that massive canyon in South Africa years ago. Trust life, believe in people, use discretion, yes, but not as a prescription for self-preservation ahead of everything else. On the days when I can’t get to compassion for someone – usually them engaging in dangerous-to-others behaviours – I have to push myself to pray for them to have what I would want for myself, and remind myself that it must be awful to be in that headspace. At the very least, if I am truly struggling with a challenging personality or viewpoint, I work at doing no harm or adding to the flames.
And as for Catholicism and confession: I diligently entered that forebodingly dark chamber full of penance and shame to confess on a shockingly regular basis that I had called my sister Chris names, and occasionally fought physically with her. I would come out and be doing my Hail Mary’s and full of shame and wanting to do better, and Chris would emerge with a sly smile and walk out with obligations for penance, having lied angelically throughout her subterranean exchange. Sisters!
I like that you didn’t say ‘weapon’ against hate. I am so done with all the war-like language (war on drugs, war on cancer, war on everything). I think neutralizers sounds much more civilized. Also, I love this line, “Trust life, believe in people, use discretion, yes, but not as a prescription for self-preservation ahead of everything else.”
I really think one of the biggest benefits of writing this blog is when sentences like that come back to me.
I was quite sure that I’d romanticized the whole confessional thing, and your story of your experience with your sister kind of confirms it 🙂
So beautifully said. Thank you.
Thanks Mary. I’ve observed your kindness in action – it’s how you live.