Sometimes, as I fill our rental cottage with our things, I feel completely defeated. The endless shifting of bins and the subsequent sorting and organizing of drawers and cupboards gets daunting. I have silly little internal whinging and whining tantrums, and then, once again, one more thing finds its perfect spot (Look! It fits like it was made for this little corner!).
I tell myself not to think about the future. That future, not so very long from now, where we have to do all of this in reverse when we pack up at the end of our lease.
You would think, wouldn’t you (?), that after all this time on the planet I would have learned to not go there.
I certainly understood it while holding my dying father’s hand.
And you can be assured, I never ever thought beyond each singular moment while drinking tea in the hospice room with Kathleen.
In that kind of time, there are no reminders required. It is obvious that it is precious time. It seems imperative to breathe slowly in an effort to hold the space, to pay attention to each minute, to acknowledge every shared second as it counts down to its deathly conclusion.
The rest of life often doesn’t feel quite as significant as those kind of end-of-life moments, but really…why the hell not?
We all know we’re supposed to be paying attention to this stuff, and truly, there are a million different ways of saying the same thing. Facebook sports a myriad of memes that all re-phrase the truthiest of truths, which is this:
Be Here Now.
We all know it, yet too often, unless someone is dying, we let our time slip away with mutterings and petty annoyances.
But, when I remember that there is only this moment, when I get back into my body, when I sit and feel those sit bones connecting with the chair, feel the warmth from the fireplace on my ankle…that is when time expands and feels more grounding. It turns into something to be held, like a perfectly-weighted stone warming in the palm of my hand.
I am not suggesting one never plan ahead, but once a plan is made, no matter how immediate or long term, then it is imperative (I think I am yelling at myself now), to be with it as it unfolds.
Life is more beautiful when I stay within this moment; watching the watery light as it softly illuminates the arbutus, observing the shimmer of the leaves outside the window, or discovering the iridescent indigo of the berries on the tree in the garden.
Notice.
Pay attention and slowly things are sorted out with a lot less drama and a much softer energy.
Life is only lived in the here and now and even within the most painful periods there are moments of terrible beauty if only we take a slower breath, look and really see.
Taking deep breaths reveals the space. It reminds me that I’m alive right here.
Right now.
And darlings, how freaking glorious is that?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ceRdaptR8Hg
The last two months have been an eight week exercise in staying in the here and now; life’s changes can be harsh and sudden or sneak up on us like a fox in the fields.
Either way sometimes Life’s Magician yanks the tablecloth out from under me and I need to both surrender AND fight to stay in the moment. A great line I re-heard last night is: If I am alone in my head, I am behind enemy lines.
There is also a great AA prayer that tells it like it is: http://www.soberjulie.com/2012/10/yesterday-today-and-tomorrow/, and the summation is brilliant…
“It is not the experience of TODAY that drives people mad.
It is remorse or bitterness for something which happened YESTERDAY
And the dread of what TOMORROW may bring.
Let us, therefore, live but ONE day at a time.”
A mantra for me this last year has been ‘see it… do it.’ No thinking, no procrastinating. I now realize why my ex-mother-in-law (my girls’ grandmother) was always ‘busy’. So now if I see something that needs doing, or an event I should attend, a friend that could use a call, I just hop to it and always feel better.
Of course another saying I learned this week I am employing liberally with people in my life and business caught in drama or a view I have trouble with:
Not my circus. Not my monkeys.
So freeing. And I am so glad you are home and notice things like indigo. You anchor a lot of us in your life.
Laurie, that Sober Julie poem is great and I’ve been using the circus and monkey plan for awhile now. Incredibly useful!
This is another quote that I have read over and over:
“Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
More than anything I have read or done, I find my (just-about) daily habit of 30 minutes of meditation to be the game changer of the century.
Namaste baby. We shall prevail.
Colleen, I don’t know how you do it, but your blog posts always seem to hit the screen at just the right time (for me), with just the right message (for me.) Talk about timing, girl!
You wrote: “Pay attention and slowly things are sorted out with a lot less drama and a much softer energy…Taking deep breaths reveals the space. It reminds me that I’m alive right here.”
That is it. Be in the moment. More and more, I am find myself gearing down. Slowing down. Breathing. Letting it all be. Even this morning, with the “million” things I knew I had to do, I made a conscious effort to just breathe before doing anything else. Instead of jumping up and flying through the house – with all those things I had to do fighting for space in my brain — I simply got up and quietly made the bed. Slowly. Smoothing the covers, I paid attention only to that one action. Just. Make. The. Bed. That’s all you HAVE to do right now.
I’m learning to pay attention to one thing at a time. I got the memo. Multi-tasking — and running yourself ragged — that’s so yesterday.
So yesterday indeed! Gwen, sometimes I wonder if there isn’t just a big cloud of consciousness that we’re all tapping into at the same time. At the very least, you and I are certainly absorbing the same KoolAid cloud 🙂
I find that I need to repeat this to myself as a daily, hell, an hourly (!) exercise. I need constant reminders to pay attention and to ask myself what exactly would happen if I lost the frantic feeling.
I write these posts to help me do just that and feedback like yours helps reinforce the notion further.
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