Editing, Deleting and Saying No

 

 

Wales Silhouettes - Colleen Friesen
The Essentials – Colleen Friesen

 

 

“This,” I wrote to someone whose name shall remain annonymous, “is so far down on my list of things to do that I will not be responding further.”

Harsh? You better believe it.

I have unsubscribed, deleted, spammed, declined, deferred and trashed anything that comes at me that does not bring me closer to my stated priorities; and my first priority right now is…moi.

Yup. You got it. It’s all about me! Is that selfish? Some might say so. However, I don’t care what anyone else is calling it, I’m naming it self-care.

I finally figured it out. It is easy to say no when I know what I’m saying yes to…and I’m saying yes to me, to my health, to my ability to carry on, and most of all, to caring for my current interior emotional wreckage. Because right now my life feels like I’m in the middle of a stopped-motion car crash.

So, just in case I sound like I might be scary to be around,  please know that saying yes includes saying yes to my closest relationships. It is, in fact, my connections and conversations with so many fabulous friends that is what’s nurturing and sustaining me (and just for the record, this isn’t completely a one-way street, I am also saying yes to any of the people I love who need me the most right now, because, well, that’s just what love does).

But by being ruthless in what I say no to, I have freed up so much of my time to say yes to the creative outlet of writing (including pieces like this blog post, which feels as good for my health as taking my Vitamin D) and to big screaming affirmatives to exercise, good coffee, dark chocolate, meditation, reading, movies, time with good friends and my husband…oh, and naps. Lately, there have definitely been some fall-down-face-first naps, lovely counter-points to the random bouts of insomnia.

In short, I have become ruthless at protecting myself and knowing what I want. Now I’m wondering why it took me so long to grasp this concept. But grasp it I have, and you know what else is fabulous?

When I say no, I feel no need to explain or rationalize or justify…just no, baby.

No.

You heard me.

No.

 

 

 

14 Responses

  1. Wandering Carol
    Wandering Carol at |

    Just say no!

    Reply
  2. Catherine
    Catherine at |

    I am in …. Colleen. Prioritise what’s important for you and leave aside what bugs you.

    Reply
  3. Dee Dee
    Dee Dee at |

    I second that emotion.

    Reply
  4. Sherryll
    Sherryll at |

    All together now: “No, baby, no!”

    Another brilliant and touching post, Colleen. Thank you for being you.
    Please keep it up–we are listening.

    ~ Sherryll

    Reply
  5. Elinor Warkentin, CTA (Cosmic Travel Agent)
    Elinor Warkentin, CTA (Cosmic Travel Agent) at |

    I’m glad you are saying no and I see no reason for guilt. For a long time, I have thought that 98% of guilt is actually inner clutter.
    Taking time for yourself and getting clearer on what you value is great. I fully support you. We all have limited time on this planet. I’m all for self-care, clarity, honesty, selfishness and whatever else you want to call your current choices.
    I’m here if you need anything, and if I cannot give you what you’re requesting, I’ll just say so.
    Take good care,
    Elinor 🙂

    Reply
  6. Tina Wolfe
    Tina Wolfe at |

    I love this. I was called selfish by one of my siblings this summer and I totally agree if this means no more giving in to her demands. I feel free. Free of feeling guilty about the fact I can’t fix her troubles, free of feeling guilty about not doing enough volunteer work. But you know that Mennos are good in the guilt department.

    Reply
  7. Liz Jansen
    Liz Jansen at |

    Thank you for sharing this Colleen. Just yesterday I journaled something similar, except my motive is restoring my physical health so I can do the work I’m meant to do. It’s easy to get stretched too thin by trying to please others – and that serves no one.

    Reply

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