What is it about thoughts between 3 and 4 a.m.?
Of course, those hours are just a guess. I try not to look at the clock so I really don’t know how long I was staring up at the ceiling. But I do know that when I finally got up and went in the bathroom, I was going to get dressed because I simply couldn’t stand it much longer and surely it had to be time.
But when I saw that it was 4:20 a.m., I decided that might border on ridiculous.
It’s a funny thing, this business of sleeping. The last few nights I had slept so deeply, it was like I’d been drugged. Slept like a rock sinking to the bottom of a mud-bottomed pond. Slept like I might never wake again.
‘Twas a beautiful thing. Dare I confess that I was almost smug about it?
Well hello, says I to myself, it’s this cold ocean air. That’s the ticket. I will never have trouble sleeping again.
Proving once again, that I really never ever learn a lesson and retain the learning. Ever.
Because last night? Hello Hormones! There it was…gone…as elusive as a rare and exotic butterfly. Exactly the same way it had been just last week.
And in that tortured twilight of no sleep, all my thoughts become exquisitely anxious and I know that I will never get everything done; I will never complete the list, achieve my goals, win the race or turn the tide.
You get the picture. It is handkerchief-wringing nuttiness.
And people ask me why I meditate? Please see above.
The skills I have learned in meditation are what save me on these perimenopausal nights. I smile indulgently at my crazy mind, acknowledge the thoughts, let them go and get back to focusing on my breathing.
Consciously relaxing and breathing. Because if I’m not going to sleep, I may as well get some rest.
Amen……I too was up last night at the same time. What are the odds. Who else has a fan blowing on their bare body close to the winter solstice in CANADA, while the dog is shivering under the quilt? Embrace it i say, what other choice have we got?
Embrace Everything I say! Go Barb Go! For some reason I can see your dog looking like that little one on The Grinch Who Stole Christmas, shivering under the blankets while you cavort naked in the Arctic wind (okay that last part isn’t in the original animation…but it’s a fun thought!)
Hey, we were both up around the same time. Sometimes counting backwards slowly and concentrating on the numbers calms my crazy thoughts, but not last night.
It was all about daughter dearest. She had an interview at 8 am for a really good job, but HR told her it might only be available if she could start immediately. Her concern was not the interview, it was how to tell her current boss that she was leaving. She’s only been there a month … low pay, long hours, can’t go snowshoeing, do yoga or go to dance classes during the week … but the people have been soooo nice to her and she really likes them. I told her repeatedly not to worry, but concentrate on making a good impression at the interview. Well she was offered the job and it doesn’t start until mid January. Even though she got little sleep, she was off salsa dancing at 8 pm. Now I wonder if she’ll accept.
Martha, isn’t it rather ironic that you’re telling her not to worry, while you spend all night doing exactly that? We are all such strange and wonderful creatures. I think salsa dancing is probably the smartest response of them all!