Isn’t it kind of sad that books have to be written that grant us permission to be kind to ourselves? Isn’t it even sadder that this is considered ground-breaking and contrary to ‘all that we know’?
Dr. Neff, whose book, “Self-Compassion: Stop Beating Yourself Up and Leave Insecurity Behind,” is profiled in this New York Times article as the champion of this revolutionary idea that we should love ourselves. Hmmm…Wasn’t there that little Biblical quote that went something like this? “Love thy neighbour as yourself.”
And of course, about five-hundred years before the above words were committed to papyrus, the Hindu Prince Gautama Siddharta said, “You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”
The presumption in the variations on this Golden Rule quote (that is found in every major religion and myth) is that you have this base of self-love to start with. That, in fact, you like yourself, you really, really like yourself (sorry Sally…) I’m not talking overblown self-esteem gone bad, I’m talking about a basic belief that you are as worthy of being treated well as the next person.
Because unfortunately I know what he’s talking about…why is it so much easier to be kind to a friend than to myself? It has taken me years to extend the same kindness to myself; something that I would assume is a given for a friend.
How many times have I entreated a sad friend to go home, have a warm bath with a nice cup of tea and take care of themselves, when I couldn’t do the same for myself? Because even when I did have those baths (and my husband can atblog to the frequency thereof) it was always with the sure knowledge that I really should be doing something more productive. So really, every one of those scent-filled shiny bubbles was filled with guilt.
The good news is that I am nicer to myself than I ever used to be and am even going so far as to tell my inner critic to please go to hell…in the sweeblog possible way 🙂
So what went so wrong that this has become necessary news?
We did have Stuart Smalley some time ago on SNL tho’ it was tongue-in-cheek satire with Stuart’s “and gosh darn it, people like me.”
And even more decades ago (but you’re probably too young), with the book”I’m OK, You’re OK.”
The best thing is wisdom. Wisdom without invocation thorugh pop trends and books, movies, or hypnosis, whatever.
It’s gleaning wisdom, as you have done, with just going ahead and taking time out to take care of oneself.
I wish I could say I’m too young to remember I’m OK, You’re OK…but I believe it was on all the bookshelves in my late teens/early twenties. It would seem we’re on reruns, not only with fashion styles but with self-help trends as well.
You’re right about just finding your own wisdom and cobbling it together bit by bit.
It is one of the true benefits of aging; the time to slowly accrue this knowledge.
Hey Colleen, saw a great piece on this very subject. On one of those legal-sized yellow pads, write the following heading:
“TO BE TAKEN CARE OF TODAY” And on the first line line, write:
(1) ME.
Stephen
I LOVE it. There’s nothing better than a “to-do” list and that would definitely be the ultimate “To Do”. Consider it done 🙂