I must be getting old or complacent, or dare I say this? I feel like I’m reaching some sort of contentment. (I would just like to back up a second before I go on. For those of you who know me, The Land of Contentment (LOC) is not a place I often visit. Grateful? Check. Optimistic? Check. Excited about Whatever? Check. Contented? Not so much.)
There has been this ongoing restlessness in my life. It niggles at the underneath of pretty much everything I do. There has been this idea that even though I’m enjoying what I’m currently doing, there just might be something better I could or should be doing. Yes I know this is crazymaking. Trust me I know.
And the other caveat I should throw out here is that I have this Menno-inspired cloud that hangs just above my head. This cloud talks (yes indeed, it is a talking cloud) that says if things are going good, don’t worry, you don’t really deserve it and the lightning will hit any second to knock you off that high horse you think you’re qualified to ride. Because we all know that pride, which in my twisted brain is closely entwined with contentment, goeth before the Fall.
Here’s the deal: My new Now-That-I’m-Over-Fifty plan is to throw these stupid ideas out into the public forum so I can see clearly just how ridiculous they are. Yes sir. Step right up while I name that elephant in the room. I mean seriously? Lightning bolts? Contentment = Pride? That’s just nutty.
Look! I can see that little cloud moving west to go rain on someone else’s parade. Scared that damned thing away with just a few sentences. Ahhhh…the power of the word.
And so, at the risk of my entire life going for a spectacular dive because I have dared to declare that I’m happy where I’m at, I’m going to say it. Here goes…I am content.
I love my life of walking and reading and writing and having fun. And lately, I have felt this great assurance that pretty much every thing I’m doing is exactly what I should be doing at that very minute.
Maybe this is how most people operate. I don’t really know. All I know is that I like this new LOC.
Best of all, I don’t even have to get through the mess of Homeland Security to get there. How cool is that?
In the past year or two I’ve felt restless for the first time in a long time. The other time I can remember feeling that way was when my son was an infant. I loved him dearly, but that time in my life made me rather crazy.
Contentment – now that is a different animal. I feel flashes of it – usually when I’m with my son or my husband, or when I’m home reading, writing, playing piano, cooking, playing with the dogs. Contentment is walking in the park or on the beach. But it’s not the way I feel about my life in a global sense. There are too many pockets of restlessness for that to be true.
It must be wonderful to feel that “pretty much every thing I’m doing is exactly what I should be doing at that very minute.” I’m striving for that 🙂
(I feel a blog post coming on…thanks for some inspiration)
A quick disclaimer: Please remember that post was at a particular point in time and things change (with me especially) at the drop of a hat…Having said that, I’m happy to report the feeling is still with me. Yahoo!