“Thanks to my work everything’s going well.”
– Claude Monet
It started on Davie Street.
I was on my way to the Canada Line but I thought I’d pop into Cross Decor & Design for inspiration. It’s an expensive store, selling poufy pillows that cost more than all of our sofa’s pillows (and most of my dishes) combined.
But the displays are exquisite and I like to go there to see what ideas might be triggered for a painting or who knows what…
But then, like a crow, I saw the gleam of something shining, silver and beautiful.
The wanting started immediately. I heard an interior voice that sounded slightly hard done by,
‘Oh, I wish…’
Then, before I knew it, I was filling in the blanks. The wishes came fast and furious.
Oh, I wish…we had a bigger place where I could have a living room that looked just like that display!
Oh, I wish…I could buy all these wonderful paintings and ornaments, and yes, even those stupidly expensive pillows and pile them around my previously wished for must-have bigger apartment with big walls for displaying all these wonderful things.
Oh, I wish…I had bedding like that.
Wait! Oh! I want the bed too. And the rug under the bed…isn’t it D-freakin’-Vine?
Oh, I wish…
Then I heard a new voice. This voice was me too. She was kind of laughing a little. I could tell she was being quite indulgent with this whiny-I-want-it-all-version of myself.
“You see what’s happening right?” she/I said. “You’re getting caught up in that consumer idea of happiness. You think if you filled your world up with this stuff than life would somehow be better. Maybe you think it will look like one of those shiny vodka ads.”
I was still fingering the table piled with stacks of beautiful coffee tables. I almost interrupted with, Oh, I wish…
But that Other Voice wasn’t letting up, “You know what else? I’ve noticed you’re happiest when you’re creating…not when you’re buying someone else’s creations.”
At least she was still laughing. I was happy that it wasn’t the usual bitchy voice that admonished me about all the suffering in the world. I actually felt like maybe we’d made some progress in the mind department. Maybe it didn’t always have to be about guilt. Maybe, just maybe, we could could offer a positive lure over self-flagellation.
I laughed at the radicalness of what was happening, all while standing in front of an old-fashioned wardrobe filled with lovely lounge wear.
I think I might have laughed out loud. In the store. In the shiny store. Quite loudly. By myself.
Ah well…
With that, I, along with my interior cast of voices, walked out of the store (with only one small backward glance at that perfect silvery pillow).
I went straight to my studio, cranked up the tunes and puttered and painted and collaged. As the glue splattered and the paint splashed, I remembered that inspiration is everywhere and it’s always free.
All my voices, both interior and exterior, united and sang along to the music. And, every once in a while, my feet did a spontaneous little happy shuffle to the beat.
Then I went home and baked my bread that had been rising on our perfectly fine kitchen counter and made a yummy quiche from leftovers. We ate it at our little table in our small apartment.
And it was all good. Every minute was good and fine.
I had built my day instead of buying it, and knew that nothing I could have purchased would have given me so many hours of pure joy.
Sometimes baking is better than buying and painting a picture is better than purchasing one.
Not always…but quite often.
Our mission? To simply pay attention as to when that might be.
Merry Christmas and happy baking/shopping/hiking/painting or whatever else you do to enjoy the season.
I didn’t think that I could write anything on this blog as I am not a “creative one” (though I have written my Life Story) , but I am very much in touch with my feelings. For me nature provide the awe and wonderment of creation. I can see beauty in it and I marvel at its perfection.
I totally agree with you and Elinot.
Consummation is a means to an end. It can bring you temporary joy but it’s not a lasting one.
I wish you and Kevin a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year with anticipation of your blogs.
Merry Christmas to you and yours Cathrine. I agree, being in nature feels like the miracle of re-creating myself one super-oxygenated molecule at a time.
You wrote:
“I think I might have laughed out loud. In the store. In the shiny store. Quite loudly. By myself.”
Reading your post in a neighbourhood cafe, I laughed out loud! One of your voices is similar to mine when it comes to spending too much time down the social media rabbit hole: “you know, as more work it might be, you know you’d feel better creating content right now …”
Henry ~ Glad to know there’s a kindred Laughing-Alone spirit out there. Where I really have to be careful is the animated and very audible conversations I have with myself. Ah well, if this is crazy, at least I have good company.
Fabulous post, Colleen. You always provide lots of food for thought.
Thanks so much Carol. With all your wonderful art, I know that you definitely practise the joy of creating.
Love that.
Funny how the shopping energy can take over so quickly with a kind of numbing false gratification.
One important key to a life well lived, for me at least, is paying attention to when I am happy, and then reveling in it. And I don’t mean at the cashier checkout, I mean when I see snow glistening and recognize such magic can’t be bought. Or when my body starts to move to music and I feel alive all over. Celebrating the moments of joy that are from within and not from ‘stuff’ helps remind me where my true happiness and gratitude come from.
Thanks for your reminder.
I know what you mean Elinor. I’ve been doing more of that same thing; really paying attention to those moments of light and well-being. Glistening snow, the perfect drop of rain on an unopened rose, the shine of the ocean, a perfect piece of music.
I’ve been making more and more eye contact with random people on the Skytrain, passing on the street and sending as much love and kindness as I can with my eyes. Holy smokes! It’s crazy how many wonderful smiling connections I make and how good it makes me feel.
Lately too, when I wake up and before I open my eyes, I have been silently breathing the words, thank you. It feels so great to start the day with gratitude.
I really believe this aging thing is helping us pay attention and I feel so privileged to be a part of so many people (like you:) who understand and practise the same perspective.
I enjoyed your article. I, too, went through mental acrobatics about purchasing “things” for my family. Then, I realized that time and love were the greatest gifts of all….so I made 3 freezer meals each of Turkey Chili con Curry (my own recipe) for my busy kids. I included the chutney, lime pickle, yogurt and cilantro (that can make anything taste good!) This year I made energy balls instead of shortbread (they never really liked my cookies) and mixed nuts.. 3 days of work, lots of love and deep satisfaction for me.
My sons took me to Cirque de Soliel for my Christmas present. I nestled between 2 sets of large shoulders for the performance and I couldn’t have been happier!
Best to you, Colleen., and to Kevin. Merry Christmas.
Yum! Made-with-love food is always a welcome gift. Do you remember that movie Like Water for Chocolate? She talked about how our emotions were transmitted through the food we made into the recipient. I always loved that scene. How wonderful to imagine your big boys adding more love into their bodies. Merry Christmas Dee Dot!
Great post, Colleen! And I can SO relate! That feeling you get when you are creating something is so awesome! Every time I see a sweater or scarf in a store window, the first thing that comes to my mind now is “I can make that.” And I can. It may not be as “perfect” as the one in the expensive shop window, but it will be entirely created by moi. And THAT is an amazing feeling. The feeling you get from having that new “thing” – a scarf, a painting, a collage — lasts so much longer than the short-lived jolt you get when you buy a new bobble — I think. So much more value in our creations. So glad you took the day to create! Today, I crocheted a headband. Tomorrow — I’m creating some Christmas cookies. I’m actually thinking of creating a little challenge for myself for 2016 – Create ONE thing every day. Hmmm. Might have some legs.
Well hey Gwen! I’m doing that same thing with paintings and almost everything I see. And you’re right, it’s certainly not as ‘perfect’ as the million dollar model but I think that’s where the charm lies. I’ve decided that’s one of the reasons I adore Mexico so much. Everyone is an artist. If they need something painted or designed or whatever…then they do it. It’s not a perfect decal, it’s someone’s free hand artistry and that’s what makes it feel human and real. I like your 2016 challenge: Acts of creation every day ~ keeps the ridiculous consumption at bay.
I think the creating thing definitely has legs. Am thinking realistically here, but what about #52Creations2016. One per week?
I think that does have legs Gwen…especially if we can count a new recipe or anything that is ‘new’ and is creative. Starting the first week of January?
I second that Colleen!!…….I am always in my happy place when I am creating!
More stuff is just so temporarily exciting….then you need more!! A bit addictive but not nearly as satisfying as creating your own masterpiece!!
Hi Pam. It’s funny you should mention your ‘happy place’. Whenever I leave for my studio, Kevin often says, “You’re off your happy place?” And it’s so true. He loves that I go there because he knows what joy it brings. Let’s keep creating!