There are people out there building six-pack abs, writing twelve novels and generally using this time to ‘feel the joy’ in every damn thing while they reorganize the hell out of every perfectly-placed item in their perfectly-located homes.
Good on them I say.
For the rest of us with salt & vinegar crusted lips and chocolate-smeared cheeks, please take a minute to pull up your sagging sweat pants and listen up.
I have a PhD in FA (Farting Around) and am here to offer some tips to counter the messages you’re being fed through social media. Seriously, if you read too much of that stuff, you’re going to hate yourself.
We, that is, my spousal unit, Mr. Kevin Redl, and myself have been Farting Around for 23.5 years. I was 36, he was 39, when we bailed, quit, tossed off the lifeline, in short…we retired (if you want to work up the energy to read the backstory on that, you can read more about it here – or not).
In the intervening years, Kevin has worked at various things for fun and/or for some cash while our investments tanked. First, he went back as the oldest student in the universe and got his Masters in Economics, because hey, doesn’t everyone want to geek out on graphs? Then he went and learned all he could about wine and worked at a wine store, then he was a Realtor and finally did a stint as an economist in a consulting firm.
Our friend calls him a serial obsessionist. It’s true. He obsesses about a topic and then learns the heck out of it and then, once he’s done it for a couple of years, it’s over, finished and onward he goes (right now he’s learning various musical instruments).
I went from being British Columbia’s only female log broker (don’t even get me started on the topic of misogynistic weenies) to a travel writer. Because…well, because, we were traveling a lot and I was keeping on a journal and it seemed like a fine idea. It was.
In fact it was amazing. I did some crazy stuff and lived to tell about it.
I haven’t pitched much of anything in the last couple of years because even that last bit of travel writing ambition felt like too much effort.
Mostly we have just dicked around, doing whatever the hell we wanted. To further expand on the art of hanging out, in 2016 we got rid of most of our things and spent almost six months traveling around Canada living in our little RPod.
Trust me, when I say that qualifies me to expound on the current state of 24-hour togetherness.
It sounds easy, but as all you newly-stopped people have discovered…it is not.
You know why it’s hard? Because we’ve all been tippling the purple Kool-Aid that said being oh-so-busy, always ‘having something to show for yourself” and being ‘productive’ was the only way we had any reason for being on the planet.
Have you ever read a headstone like this? “He leveraged a zillion dollars and built an empire” or “She worked herself into the grave like a crazy woman.”
Nope.
The lives that matter have markers that tell of who they loved and who loved them. That’s it. The whole enchilada.
We have been fed a constant message of productivity and busyness. It is a Calvinist bunch of hooey. Yes, I said, hooey.
As everyone is rapidly discovering – the most important things are not things; instead they are relationships, love, intimacy, friendship, caring, companionship, none of which are available from an online Amazon order form. These intangibles are what give our lives meaning.
Yes, we need money and employment. I do not in any way want to belittle the incredible hardship that families are going through. But being busy for the sake of saying how busy we are…not so much.
If you did nothing but stare out the window while listening to the birds and feeling the breeze, would your life still have value?
Have you heard of Lebensunwertes Leben?
Lebensunwertes Leben was a Nazi designation for the segments of the populace which, according to the Nazi regime of the time had no right to live. Those individuals were targeted to be euthanized by the state…people with serious medical problems and those considered grossly inferior according to the racial policy of Nazi Germany.
Your life, my life, any one’s life, cannot be valued based on some outside framework of productivity.
Who decides what or who is productive? Is it productive to work in a factory that makes bombs? Is it productive to develop new weapons? Is it productive to make another cruise ship?
Too often, we value what has no true value, simply because there is money attached. This is precisely why traditionally ‘women’s work’ was not valued. Who cares if the floors were clean, the children loved and nurtured, the meals on the table? The thinking has been that if there is no wage tied to the activity, then it holds no value (see above re: misogyny and the myth of the patriarchal society).
Is a whale productive? Is a flower? What is the point of a cloud? What is the financial benefit of a heron on the shore? An eagle soaring above the mountains?
Is putting together a puzzle productive? Is reading a book? Going for a walk? Sketching a scene? Listening to music? Having a nap?
Life expresses itself in a myriad of ways.
One of them is you. Another way is me. We are life and we are worthy…in whatever way we choose to spend our time. (And yes, even those of us with PhD’s in Doing Nothing are struggling with the loss of social connection. Not even our many years of Farting Around has prepared us for this new reality).
Please, if you want to scrub your house, build buns of steel, drag out your chemistry set and solve the world’s issues or if you can’t find the energy to get out of bed while you grieve for the death of the world as we knew it…it’s all fine.
It’s okay.
Do what ever you want or do nothing at all.
You are valuable and your life matters. Each and every thread of our lives connects us in ways that we may never know.
Together we make up the beautiful quilt we call the world.
We, my darlings…we ARE the world.
Full Disclaimer: this has been a Public Service Announcement from a woman still in her pyjamas.
Something else I wanted to ask you. Did you leave your work because you were the only woman in a man’s world? It must have been difficult to fight the prejudices. You have been able to do this and live on your investments. Then you went travelling and made connections with people all over the world. I have heard the words” I am very busy”, but busy at doing what? I think some people say this because they don’t want you to feel sorry for them. I am not a busy, busy person but I am very much in touch with my feelings.
I like the word “farniente”, yes this would describe me. I like looking at nature, listening to the birds …. Productive? No.
I didn’t leave work because I was the only woman in a very male world, but I must say it was exhausting and probably contributed to the decision to quit.
But the real motivation was the idea of doing something other than working until we dropped. It just seemed a bit preposterous that we’d all, and by all I mean society in general, bought into this idea of working forever and then, finally being free to do what we want after 65.
It was very clear to us that there was no guarantee that one would live that long.
And now that it’s been a couple of decades of not being part of the usual routine, we’re both happier than ever that we chose a different path. I wouldn’t change a thing.
I wanted to add what a courageous, risk taker you are to have jumped the Oribi Gorge. You must have been terrified, but still you did it. I can hear your Dad’s voice saying “do it”. Didn’t you mention that the next person was not so lucky?
Well done to have gone over your fears.
You’re quite right Catherine. I was knee-quiveringly terrified. I’m glad I did it and also certain that I have no desire to ever do it again. (And yes, someone died shortly after I’d been there. He was one of the workers doing a demonstration on how it was done).
Absolutely wonderful Colleen! We are bosom buddies indeed in our thinking about life. I was sent this with a note that it reminded them of me. They may actually be right. I have lived my life with not really setting goals but enjoying or learning from each and every moment when it happens. I start and stop my passions, working with the ebb and flow of each day. Work comes and work goes as required. It has filled my life with one adventure after another, one new person to meet after another all leading me down yet another interesting path. I embrace change and the opportunities it holds. Thank you for reminding me how lucky we are!
Hello Sara. Welcome! I love finding new kindred spirits in the world. The cyber-connectivity of where and how we all find each other is nothing short of miraculous.
Like you, I find wandering down different and diverse paths much more appealing than getting on a track and steaming straight ahead. Considering all roads ultimately end the same, I think it’s incumbent upon us to enjoy our lives as much as is possible. I also know that in between there will be tough times, when poor health or grief or other tragedies fall upon us. But between the inevitable pains lies new beginnings and wonderful discoveries.
I’m glad you feel lucky and grateful too. Take care.
I love this, Colleen. I am one of those people – always busy, always on a quest for self-improvement, never sitting still. These days are teaching me some important lessons and while I am very aware of the suffering that is going on in the world and how privileged I am to not be affected by it (yet), I have slowed my life right down – and it feels amazing. I write a little, nap a little, eat a lot, hang out with my daughters, call a friend, walk, look at the birds, loll about – I can’t remember a time I’ve ever done this for a sustained period of time — not since I was a kid anyway. I think my addiction to busyness is a way of running away from myself, or the parts of myself I don’t like. Having lots of time on my own is making me realize — I need to turn toward myself, not away. Hope that doesn’t sound too hokey! Your column hit a nerve indeed. I’d like to quote in in an upcoming newsletter — properly attributed of course – ok? Hugs to you, wonderful one!!
Anne, I think you’re right that more often than not, the breathless busyness we see in so many people is fear of being alone with themselves and their thoughts. I think I had that pretty much knocked out of me during a ten-day silent meditation retreat.
Your new day’s ‘schedule’ of naps, writing, hanging out with daughters, walks, sounds pretty darned fine. I’m glad you’re getting this time to relish a new way of being. It is like being a kid eh? Maybe that’s why I never really grew up? Hmmmm…
And of course, I’d love to be quoted in that newsletter just try to make me sound like I know what I’m talking about!
What a pleasure it was to read your story, how you retired so early and lived on your investments. It is a bit risky and some people do not like taking risks but I agree with you that money does not make a man. I am reminded of the parable of St. Matthew: “Consider the lilies in the fields, they do not toil, nor spin. We should have enough money to live on, but should practice “Lagom”.
What is productivity? A factory worker making a tool is productive in an economic sense but so was Shakespeare writing plays. A whale swimming the oceans, an eagle soaring the sky, a flower blooming are of value, but are they productive? Certainly our lives would be drab without them.
Yes, our life is of value, however we choose to live it.
“You are a child of the Universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here”. Desiderata
I have always loved that Desiderata quote. Another favourite of mine that I’m sure you’re familiar with, is this one from Einstein, “Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts.”
It is a shame that our culture became so fixated on costs and productivity as the only measure of what has value. But I take hope in the fact that so many of us understand that is not the only way to measure what matters. Take good care and be well Catherine.
Oh my gosh, Colleen! I love this. I’ve been drinking the purple Kool-Aid and feeling guilty every day that I miss the 10 am yoga class that’s newly streaming on a page I follow. Every damn day! While I read one more chapter of a book or sit on the front porch listening to the rain, others are downward dogging themselves into a “better whatever.” Me… not so much. I typically don’t feel this guilt thing when it comes to doing whatever the fu@k I want with the hours of my life, but the Internet has blown up with images and videos of productive people doing productive things. Who am I to sit and listen to the birds when I could be learning a new language already!
Thanks for offering me this wake-up call to get back to being just me. Whatever that happens to be on any given day – pandemic or no pandemic.
Big hugs to you both!
Ah Gwen. It’s hard not to absorb the constant onslaught of self-improvement messages. There is certainly time to do these things, if that’s what feels right, but to also choose not to, is the greatest freedom. The Italians have a great expression, ‘Dolce far niente’, the ‘sweetness of doing nothing’. There is something so sublime about just breathing and feeling the sun or hearing the rain…to bear witness to the unfolding of the world.
Hugs from our log house to yours 🙂
Such sage words Colleen.
Apart from wanting to see my family once it is allowed, my biggest desire is to get to the garden centre to indulge my plant obsession and become ‘productive’ in the garden.
The recent buzz of ‘being sooooo busy’ has been bugging me for ages. Ya, good for you.Melody
Melody…I understand the need to play in the dirt. There is such a tangible goodness about watching things grow. And yes, the continual one-upping on the “you can’t believe how busy I am” has bothered me for a long time. My days have always been full with what I want to do, but I’m loathe to describe it as busy. I have turned down more than one event by claiming an existing appointment – no one needs to know the appointment is with my tub and a good book 🙂
You might enjoy this article on the benefits of gardening. I’ll post it on FB as well. https://www.yesmagazine.org/issue/good-health/2015/11/13/the-curious-case-of-the-antidepressant-anti-anxiety-backyard-garden/?utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=YESDaily_20200329&utm_content=YESDaily_20200329+CID_777e57a0edcf33b48b0b267689772133&utm_source=CM&utm_term=Read%20the%20full%20story
I like to be busy, but my idea of being productive is probably not the same as most people. A busy productive day for me usually means reading books, scratching out some pages in my journal or on the blog, walking the dog and watching the ducks fly in for a landing on the pond, making pour over coffee a few times, baking a cake, writing a letter to a friend…well, you get it. These are the things I enjoy, and they keep anxiety at bay. We all gotta do what we gotta do to make that happen right now.
Daily life in quarantine isn’t all that different than daily life in retirement. I feel deeply blessed, because either way, the days fly by.
Yes Becca. That is my idea of a productive day as well. I play a little piano, do some art, write, meditate, walk. My daily life isn’t much different except for the socializing aspect. We went to so many live music events – at least once a week – and enjoyed so many dinner parties. It has taken me awhile to get back into my usual day time activities due to what I recognize is grief. I found myself too sidelined/stunned by all that I read. It is a zig-zag way forward with lots of sitting and wondering…
I am so happy to add your blogs to the crazy amount of reading I’m doing these days Colleen. Hopefully we will come out at the other end honouring different and better ways to live. Hugs to you my friend.
Virtual hugs back to you Maureen. I’m glad to be added to your reading list. I believe we will come out the other side of this with innovative new ways of conducting ourselves in the world. I’m viewing this as a collective incubation period.
So amazing. Thanks Colleen for sharing your heart and soul. Enjoy pyjama days! Davina
Thanks Davina. I’m on a roll with my pyjama days. There is something quite freeing in not getting dressed for longer than normal. I remember being on a felucca in Egypt when it was 48 degrees C during the day and not that much cooler at night. I had drawstring linen pants and a long-sleeved linen shirt that I slept and lived in for several days. It was a great experience.
Love it!
While there are those who would say we are nothing but a protein covered bag of chemicals sloshing around, there is an “I” and there is definitely a “we”. Well said Colleen, we are the world and it’s a world that we are allowed to define however we may choose (and, I don’t even own pyjamas).
Yes Ed. We are the world! Oops. I just realized a missed opportunity. I should have added a video of that song, it’s wonderful. Hum along with me okay?
Beautiful xoxo
Blessings darling. Hang in there Karen. One day we’ll once again eat buckets of popcorn while watching the latest movie.