“Don’t try to figure out what other people
want to hear from you;
figure out what you want to say.”
~ Barbara Kingsolver
You know that thing you did as a kid? That thing where you vibrated your lips in a remarkable impression of a motorboat? It involved a sort of random humming as your lips rumbled and rolled. Sometimes this was done while running around in circles or sliding across the kitchen linoleum or maybe while sitting in the back seat of the car, especially while going down a bumpy road.
Yesterday I went to my first singing lesson.
That aforementioned childhood lip hum was part of the lesson. Yes indeed, it seems I spent good money on lessons that involved making my lips buzz.
But hey. There were other moves. Some included flinging my arms around.
Did I mention I paid for this?
I’m not sure why I decided I needed singing lessons.
**
But I think it’s because every book on writing will wax on forever about the need to ‘find your voice’. I don’t believe that it’s only writers who need to do this. We all do. No matter who we are or what we do. To me, being fully human and fully engaged, means examining what matters, what is true, what is not. That is voice. So I think I assumed learning to sing would quite literally bring out another aspect of my voice…
If we are blessed enough to still be alive (and so far, right this minute, that includes you and me), then life demands we find out who we are – which means finding our voice as we decide what we stand for.
Writing has certainly helped me to do this. It forces me to put my thoughts down on the page and then to throw those words out into the light of day for everyone to see. It feels courageous…every single time. Kind of like standing on the street in your underwear.
Always, always it comes back to finding my truest voice: What do I think? What do I believe?
But once the words are finally published, the fear dissipates and I am left with a satisfying sense of accomplishment, like I have somehow become more of myself.
Which is why I thought singing lessons might be helpful…
After driving up a long potholed gravel road, I turned down a dirt driveway. At the end of it, I found a little studio. Hanging over a forested ravine, the sound of a creek rushing past the green and dark, windows to the floor.
I felt a slight shiver of anxiety as I stood at the door and knocked.
But I’ve discovered that things that terrify me are often the very things that make me feel the most alive.
Since singing lessons fall under that kinda-scary category, I was hoping that this would this would once again prove to be true.
Sure enough, by the end of that lesson, I was vibrating. My body sang. Every cell oxygenated.
It was almost as exhilarating as that time I went coasteering in the Irish Sea or flung myself into the Oribi Gorge in South Africa, but with a whole lot less of chance of dying – which, it must be said, is always a bonus.
I whooped and yelled all the way home, radio cranked and body tingling. In short, there was no doubt at all that I was one fully-alive, fully-engaged being who was in the throes of discovering another aspect of voice.
Did I mention I can’t wait for next week’s lesson?
Children are encouraged to explore new activities all the time, but why should kids have all the fun and excitement?
So here’s my challenge: think of something you’d like to do. Something that maybe scares you a little.
Got it? Good. Now go do it. (And, if you’re so inclined, I’d love it if you told me all about in the comments below).
And now, if you’ll please excuse me. I have some serious arm-flinging and lip-humming to do.
“Write about what disturbs you, what you fear,
what you have not been willing to speak about.
Be willing to be split open.”
~ Natalie Goldberg
If you enjoyed this post, I’d really appreciate it if you would share it. Thanks!
Colleen, I think that this is the coolest thing! And the idea that you should do something, at least one thing, that scares you — that is also WAY cool.
Another message that I got from this is that you should DO what it is you want to do — without putting expectations around it. That thing you want to try doesn’t have to be your “passion” or something that makes you money or becomes a career path. I think I get too caught up in some of that and it keeps me from playing. Just that. Without a purpose or a plan.
Thanks so much for your continued inspiration.
Hey Gwen. Let’s be the founding members of the new club. Perhaps we can call it, No Purpose! No Plan!
We have all internalized the big societal message that unless there’s money attached to something, it doesn’t really count. Yet we also know that you can’t put a price tag on anything that has true value…petting a dog, kissing a baby, baking bread, sewing a pillow.
I think too, that we always encourage children to try everything, but somewhere along our trajectory in life, we decided we were grown up and done with all that. This idea, is, of course, crazy.
So yes, let’s just goof around. Play at something new. Try new things with no expectation for a perfect outcome.
It’s just the process baby. It’s all about the process.
I am not sure where I read or heard this but it was as it relates to the whole “follow your passion” thing. And it was something like “You don’t have to follow your passion to live a life with passion.” Something corny like that. But the point being that we are often all-consumed with finding our (one) passion and trying to make a career around that, and I’m convinced that is not the right approach as our passions change. Try it all, baby! As you said. Just play. Live with passion and stop chasing it!
So my big, scary thing has been purchasing a home in Chapala — on my own and without my husband seeing it first. We arrived a week ago and I signed the papers on the house before he even had a look inside.
This was most definitely not in my plans, but I just couldn’t let this opportunity to pass me by. I didn’t want it on my forever “regret” list. I’m not sure if it was the smartest or craziest thing I’ve done, but it’s done!
Shelly! That is the SMARTEST thing you could have possibly done. I love it! I’m so happy for you. That makes so much sense given how much you love it there. I’ll have to come visit you in your new home. Can’t wait to see it.
Thanks, Colleen. I’m glad it doesn’t seem crazy to you — I’m still swinging between scared *&(^-less and over the top excited. The house is the Castle nestled in the back corner of the QQ compound — just a few steps from the suite where we all met up a couple of years ago. I have no idea whether this will be a permanent move, but let me know when you are coming this way!
You bought the castle! I remember looking through that with you. Wow. That’s just so damned cool. Congratulations. Rename those feelings of fear and just call them excitement because this is a wonderful idea. We’ll stay in touch and one day I will be over for some salsa and guacamole.
Deal on the chips and guac. Always a cold beer in the fridge with your name on it!
It’s interesting that you say that about fear and excitement, Colleen. They really are flip sides of the same emotion. Excitement it is! Hasta luego. 😉
You are SO cool Colleen. So my “afraid to do it” was learning Spanish So I started Spanish lessons through the Uni. I’ve had 5 lessons, will do 5 more and then I will go on to Level 2 and as many levels as I can. I am loving it. After Spanish I want to do Dutch as that was the 2nd language spoken in our house since my parents are Dutch immigrants. Living away from all my family I have lost a lot of it but want to get it back. What the classes have done for me is not only start teaching me Spanish but also it has given me a bit more self confidence in myself as I’m doing so well at it and I’m the oldest in the class which is showing me that I still have a working brain in my head.
Whoa! Look at us inspiring each other. Spanish is on my list too, so thank you for showing me another example of someone who is just going for it.
And next up is Dutch?! That is very cool.Sounds like a trip to the Netherlands is in order 🙂
And yes, the thing about learning ~ any learning on any topic ~ is that we gain self-confidence and realize we’re very capable of growth in unexpected areas.
Yup, Dutch which should be fairly easy to me as I knew it as a child as that was spoken in my home just about as much as English. My sister, her husband and myself plan to go in a few years to Holland, after our house is built. My husband & I are going to the Galapagos next Feb. so the Spanish is really going to help there.
Keep up the blogs, they are great!
I remember, as a teenager, throwing myself in the swimming pool in Germany and learned how to swim. No previous lessons beforehand, just a throw in the water. It was scary but I swam and what a feeling it was!
Last year, going to Cap Verde on a cruise, I took part in a choral. I am not a singer, don’t play an instrument, and was told by my husband that I put the emphasis on the wrong word, but anyhow I decided that I would have a go. After the 1st lesson I noticed that most people seemed to know what they were doing and I felt “left out”, so I had a word with the teacher who encouraged me to carry on and I did and what fun it was! At the end of the cruise we gave a concert and everybody enjoyed it. I am so glad that I pushed myself through my fears. Singing is very good for you.
Wow Catherine. Talk about taking the plunge! That’s quite a way to begin swimming.
I love that you persevered with the choral group. It’s so important to push past objections; both internal and external. And yes, I singing is very good for you. Science backs that feeling.
https://heartresearch.org.uk/fundraising/singing-good-you