I made a list. And checked it twice.
Then, I started.
First, I dragged all the wrapping paper, gift bags, to-and-from tags, ribbons and bows and twinkly lights back down into the storage locker.
The apartment expanded a little. It felt like there was more oxygen in the air.
Then I pulled everything out of each drawer, each cupboard, each shelf, every basket, every bin, every box…scrubbed the space and put back only the things that make the cut.
One square foot at a time, I took back our apartment, and with it, my life.
I am editing my way into the Newest Year of my life. I want to start 2016 with a fresh slate. It is not all done yet, but I am determined that by the end of January, there will be nothing left that has not been cleaned or cleared out.
Somebody, a someone who isn’t that close to Kevin, recently asked him what sounded like a rather harmless question, “How was your 2015?”
He told me he said, “Oh, a little of this a little of that…”
“Really, Colleen,” he said to me later, “it just wasn’t worth going into it.”
Indeed.
I realize it hasn’t really been about this past year. It has actually been since mid-2014. It was March 2014 when Dad really started going downhill, and then died, then Kathleen was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer and then, as one might say, the shit show really got going.
I have one of those old-school daytimers, the kind that are only sold in dollar stores now, making me a poster-gal for rocking the retro calendar look. It contains 2014 and 2015. It is now only fourteen hours away from being finished.
Looking back on last December, I read notations about the trips back and forth to Sechelt, the scribbled notes about new drugs, for meetings at hospice, with counsellors and lawyers and bankers and the sheer overwhelmingness of it all.
That craziness all stopped when Kathleen died this April, only to be replaced with a different strangeness of being.
I am not saying all of 2015 was a bust. That would be a ridiculous statement. Life is always a mixture of blessings and pains. There have been some glorious days and weeks.
Let me just say this. It has sometimes felt like walking on an icy path; hard to get any real traction and a feeling that I might tip sideways at any moment.
Which brings me back to the beginning of this post: the editing and the cleansing and the idea of new beginnings. Because really? What else can we do but start over again?
And again.
And again.
This is both the beauty and the burden of life.
In a recent comment and subsequent email, my friend Gwen Morrison suggested that she might start a new plan she dubbed #52Creations2016.
I like this idea of 52 acts of creation in 2016. It seems to me that creating is an exclamation of living, a statement of being and a big fat push back against death. I truly feel that with each act of creativity we claim our lives.
These acts don’t have to be earth-shaking. It just has to be something life-affirming, something that says, I am here. I am alive. I am creating my world, one homemade card, one knitted scarf, one pie, one painting, one grateful letter, one volunteer hour, one sentence, one piano piece, one kiss, one hug at a time.
But most importantly for me, whatever the creative thing is, it is to be done with joy and because I want to, not out of some tiresome to-do list or burdensome guilty goal.
I liken this idea to the joy I get from my step-tracking device. I find it motivating to see that if I just take the long way home, I’ll hit the step goal I have set for myself. It doesn’t feel self-flagellating, but rather a life-and-health affirming motivator. I have never regretted walking and the extra space and breath it gifts to me. I feel the same way about any acts of creation.
I’m inviting you to join me.
Let us create our world one act at a time. Together we can build a world that is beautiful, that is kind, that is life-affirming and welcoming.
These acts of creation can take any form at all. For me, I’ve decided it’s just going to be something that is a little push to the left, something slightly (or maybe extraordinarily?) different from my usual.
Perhaps it’s a new volunteer opportunity, or paying it forward, or maybe it’s being randomly kind to a stranger and, most certainly, to ourselves. Because if I am happy and at peace, I am contributing to the possibility of peace for our planet.
Together we create the world; one smile, one loving act, one artistic impulse, one engaged life at a time.
I’d love to hear about your creative ideas for this Newest of Years.
Please share your plans for #52Creations2016.
Hi Colleen, I noticed your work at Harrison Galleries yesterday and LOVED several pieces. My attention was caught by the trumpet player first (I taught high school band and English for years), but then my eyes drifted to the orange-clad women, the old car in the corner, the teen with the bobby socks, the swirling colours and textures, and I was hooked. Chris and Jennifer told us your name but by the time we got home, I could only remember Friesen. Fortunately, that was enough to google my way to your blog. This post spoke to some of the twists and turns of my thoughts over the past few years. i read of your father and of Kathleen and I was inspired to think about friendship and whether I have the potential to be as beautiful a friend to so many as you clearly are. From that wonderfully lit shot of BC Place, I realize we travel some of the same local routes. I only wish I had seen as much of the world as you have seen. My travel has mostly been through exploring the experiences of my international students (we still keep in touch). Anyhow, no definite plans to lay out in this comment except to recognize as much incredible beauty around me as I can every single day. I’ve added your blog address to the sidebar in my own blog (bikesbirdsnbeasts). I hope to keep up with your writing, though I tend to be sporadic about leaving comments. They are either way too long or non-existent 🙂 All the best. I hope you will feel that you did indeed have traction when you look back at 2016, a year lived with gusto!
Hello Carol. What a treat to find your kind comments…I’m so glad you’re a good sleuth and found me after your visit to Harrison Galleries. Good detective work 🙂
I’m pleased you enjoyed my mixed-media pieces. I am looking forward to making more when we get home from this trip.
The email I received prior to yours was from an editor asking me to do a complete rewrite on a long article. It was not a happy thought as I really thought I was done with it.
Your enthusiastic and generous comment was the perfect antidote to the prospect of the work I have ahead of me…
So thank you again for taking the time to write. Your words were truly a gift.
I love this! I’m in! And, my word for the year is creativity. Have you listened to Elizabeth Gilbert’s Big Magic Podcast? The one with Brene Brown is incredible. I look forward to connecting with you on this plan (via the awesome hashtag). I’m putting my creative energy into my book, my blog and my home – I love the process of decluttering! I’m becoming obsessed.
Hey Angie! We’re all on the same page. It feels like everyone I know is circling this subject. I read Big Magic but haven’t watched the podcast with Brene Brown. I’m on it. And yes, isn’t Gwen Morrison’s hashtag awesome? Let’s create our lives…one act, one touch, one moment at a time.
Yes! And I love that she’s using it on Instagram too. I really love Instagram. 🙂
I love Instagram too, but keep forgetting to add the hashtag there. I will do it from now on. (There. It’s a public declaration-works on me every time:)
What a beautiful idea. I had no idea you were going through all of this. One of my goals this year is to schedule a weekly create night for my daughter and I. Life’s too short.
What a great idea Jody. A weekly creative date with your daughter is such a wonderful plan. You will be creating some great memories (besides whatever else you cook up 🙂
This post is officially one of my favorites. I may print and hang somewhere I can read it again and again and again. Thank you dear.
Thanks Mary. I really appreciate that. For years, you have been inspiring me with your gorgeous salt water angels made of beach glass. You have been onto this plan for a long time 🙂
We live such parallel lives. i have been going through every nook and cranny to clean my space and feel elated every time i realize that there is more open space. I am creating up a storm in many different facets and it teaches me life lessons that have evaded me this past year for which i am grateful. Can’t wait to see your creations.
Barb…is there anything that you and I ever do that not parallel? Apparently not! I really believe that whatever we do singularly is somehow played out in a larger field as well. I love knowing that I’m in such great company around the world and here at home. Looking forward to hearing more about your creative endeavours…it’s such life-affirming stuff!
Colleen this is your best post ever! And so timely considering I can start today(Jan 1st)
52 creations 2016….. Not a new idea to me, as I annually make resolutions, and generally fall off the wagon a few months later! Is this #52 creations 2016 a blog, website, or a Twitter acct??? Twittering isn’t in my world…..so I will have to go it on my own I guess!! Do you have any suggestions to keep the ball rolling, and not getting lost in all the minutiae of everyday life?
I am so glad I briefly met you at Emily Carr during the set up for a Jeanne Krabbendams student exhibition a couple of years ago….your positive energy encouraged me to sign up for your blog.
Please keep your words of wisdom coming….I always treasure your posts!
My mantra for 2016 is “CHOOSE HAPPINESS!”…. And my 52 creations a year will definitely add to that feeling
HAPPY NEW YEAR to you and yours!
Hi Pamela. Thanks so much for sharing your ‘Choose Happiness’ mantra and your encouraging comments.
#52Creations2016 is the hashtag I’m throwing around on FB, Twitter and my friend Gwen Morrison (who came up with the tag in the first place) has also got it going on Instagram.
You asked if I had any suggestions as to keep the ball rolling? I really like what Catherine wrote in her comment about noticing how good she felt when she was making great food. I think that is the key: to follow those moments when you feel most animated by whatever it is you’re creating and then do more of whatever that creative thing happens to be. Every creative act that feels good will be ‘choosing happiness’ over and over. Let me know how it goes. I love that our random connection has carried on and now we’re inspiring each other 🙂
I have had refrains of Eminem’s Cleaning out my closet …running through my head as of late. The concept of cleaning out the closet is very cathartic but not always easy. But taking it to the next level of being creative is such a positive twist. Also I think being creative helps one to not get stuck in shoulda coulda woulda camp.
Thank you for this inspiration.
B
Exactly Bruce…I think when we are doing something that is both an actual act AND a metaphor, it ends up helping us in areas we’re not even aware of.
For instance, I realize when I’m cleaning out a cupboard that I’m doing much more than the mere physical act of organizing a space; I’m in fact, granting myself permission to let go of cluttering thoughts and beliefs around what needs to stay (both physically and psychically) in that particular cupboard and in my brain (and as I’m sure you might guess, my brain is always the trickier area to declutter 🙂
“Because if I am happy and at peace, I am contributing to the possibility of peace for our planet.” I love this sentence. It reminds me of a phrase of Mother Teresa who said: ” You must see first that there is love at home and at you next-door neighbour’s and in the street that you live in, in the town you live in and only then outside.” “If you have love at home it can establish peace in society and in the world.” How true it sounds !
This year I’ve decided to be more creative in the kitchen, to cook appetising meals. I’ve noticed that when I cook, I feel more homely, more feminine and it’s a feeling that I like.
I love that quote from Mother Teresa. It’s so perfect. Cooking is definitely part of my happy creating plan. I love puttering in the kitchen and making good food for myself and others. It’s nourishing on so many levels. I like that you have named the feelings you are having when you’re cooking. I think observing and noticing our feelings when we’re doing an activity is key to a happy life. Happy Cooking!
I really enjoy all your blogs.
Your realism, true feelings is so refreshing.
I hope you have a wonderful renewed year,
filled with lots more life and creativity.
hugs from afar! 🙂
Thank you so much Laurie. I really appreciate your comments. They feel like hugs all on their own.
I hope that you have a wonderful and creative year too.
May 2016 be filled with much love and good health.
Take good care and big hugs right back.
Your post reminded me of a quote from D. H. Lawrence, “We’ve got to live, no matter how many skies have fallen.” I didn’t read it in a D.H. Lawrence book, instead came across it in Miriam Toew’s All My Puny Sorrows and it really resonated with me. Wishing you all the best in 2016. My creative plans include more writing, and moving into the unknown with trust and joy, not fear.
What a beautiful quote from such an amazing book. I think All My Puny Sorrows rates as my top read of 2015.
I love your plan for moving into the unknown with trust and joy instead of fear. What a brilliant template for this new year.
Happy writing and creating Donna. Thanks for sharing your plans and my posts. It’s very appreciated.