Before my father descended into depression and dementia, he was a positive can-do kind of guy. His optimism was off-the-chart…some might say it bordered on denial.

But then again, what does it mean to be too positive?

Besides, we all know that it is hard work to stay happy in the face of all that can happen in a life. But before life eroded him, before he was battered and betrayed by his body and his mind, he had one go-to response that I find myself using more and more:

“Why not?”

“Why not?” can apply to many situations. He used it when we were on our father/daughter trip in Israel. I was madly running through the crowds in Jerusalem trying to find him after he’d disappeared from our tour group. Completely oblivious to my distress, I found him atop a camel. “Why not?” he said.

Exactly.

For the most part I believe that we can choose our responses in our lives.

I say this with the full knowledge that there is so much in a life that is out of our control. I say this after spending these last months crying harder than I thought possible.  I realize too, that saying this presumes that you are not suffering from some mental illness that precludes you from choosing the healthiest/happiest response. Like diabetes, cancer or heart disease, mental illness is something that can happen to any one of us at any time. I understand that completely.

But, for most of us, most of the time (even with our various mental issues), we have the power to choose. We can pick our focus.

I know that choosing gratitude as my default attitude gives me a better chance at happiness than anything else. People can call me Pollyanna in my approach, but I think Pollyanna (whoever she was), knew how to kick some serious butt; it’s not easy to pick the happy plan.

The way I see it I usually have one of two options that sound something like this:

I can focus on the shit. Or I can focus on the sunshine.

I can treat myself well.  Or I can heap critical thoughts and guilt on myself. 

As well, when I’m presented with a hot air balloon ride or a chance to jump in a river, when someone offers me a crazy new food or wacky new experience, I simply repeat my father’s mantra that served him so well for so many good years.

I read recently that when we think of someone, whether they’re alive or dead, the very act of remembering them makes them alive to us in that moment. I like that idea and I believe it to be true.

Responding with why not? is one more way to keep my father alive.

And that, well that, makes me happy in a strange and bittersweet kind of way.