It is Winter Solstice (officially @ 05:30 UTC December 22nd which is actually tomorrow over there but happening now over here, right?) Forget referring to your Einstein notes to try to figure out all that time and space. It’s all too much to understand. It is enough to know that it is Winter Solstice tonight. Besides, I’m still working on how airplanes stay aloft, never mind that whole timezone thing.
But truly, all that concerns us here in the Vancouver area, is that after tonight, our days will begin to lengthen again. This then, as far as I can see, is the true end of the year. This is the darkest and longest night of our lives in 2011.
We sit here in this early dark, surrounding ourselves with candles, twinkly lights, fireplaces and willing our cozy lamps to cast magic light against that enormous darkness that looms like a shaggy-shadowed wolf outside our little cave homes.
This then is the dark night of the soul, the time to acknowledge that some things have ended.
Some of those endings will have broken your heart. But if we’re lucky, our hearts break open and soften as a result.
But then. Who am I kidding with this third-party language?
Let me say what I’m really talking about. We went to visit my 86-year old father today and it is like watching a time-lapsed film of an enormous mountain crumbling into the sea.
I feel like the curtain has been torn away and I have been left to discover that the towering Wizard of Oz was only an ordinary man after all.
Just an ordinary man who tried to do his best.
So, on this darkest night of the year I am waiting for the light.
I am waiting with a softened heart.
And so this is Christmas. And what have you done? Another year over and a new one just begun…
Colleen, I always look forward to reading your insights of life, either everyday or heartfelt. You are a true inspiration to me, and thank you for sharing! Merry Christmas!
Laurie, thank you for saying that. I sometimes, no wait, let me rephrase that…I OFTEN wonder what the heck I just posted, so it’s nice to know it resonates with you. Wishing you a very Merry Christmas and the best the New Year has to offer.
Oh dear, when I read “The end of so much … the darkest and longest night” I immediately thought you were referring to your dad. Has he taken a turn for the worse, as I thought he was getting out and about? It’s hard to believe that Uncle Hank is 86! Please give him my love when you see him next.
Hey Martha. Growing old takes so much courage and Dad’s anxiety and depression often take over. We had a bit of a win when he ate the White Spot waffle with strawberries and whipped cream.
Life is all things at once eh? Full, and yet bittersweet on so many levels, especially at Christmas, so in wishing you Merry Christmas, I am taking into account the losses AND the gains over all these years 🙂
Merry Christmas Martha!
The depth & wisdom of your writing spills over the brim of your loving heart. Your insight into all things real and seemingly unavoidable. Life. Bringing thoughts to my own mind of a father I adored. I loved your description of the longest night of the year, of feeling cozy and safe. A world of sadness, but yet twinkling lights and memories. The journey through time and space, relationships, family and your gift of feeling, seeing and recording. Thank you once again my dear.
Oh Karen, thank you for being part of this journey. I know that you know. Everything just seems so poignant these days…
It is so hard to see our parents fade like that. I know only too well, and my heart is with you on this bittersweet, dark night.
Thanks Becca, that’s the right word fade. It’s like a bad magic show, watching my father disappear in bits here and there.
I just keep reminding myself of the impermanence of life, in an effort to try to embrace what is.